Are you freakin' kidding me? After change number 6, or is it 7, you'd think I just get used to it but somehow you never do. You never learn NOT to get your hopes up. You never learn to expect bad news every time the phone rings.
Someone please tell me how to keep explaining to my 4 year old why the date of his daddy coming home keeps getting changed. He's usually my rock. "Don't be sad mommy, daddy will be home when ALL the buttercups have bloomed." And then tonight, as I got another round of bad news and cried on the way home from the daycare, he cried with me saying, "Why does the Army keep changing it? Can't he talk to the Army?" How's that on top of the heartache I'm already feeling.
If you haven't already figured out, I don't have anything good or positive to say. I wish I could be "stronger" but that ran out about 2 weeks ago. I can say, I've never been more sure of our decision to GET OUT of the Army.
I know, most of the situations couldn't be helped, planes broken, turmoil in Kyrgyzstan, more broken plans but try telling that to my heart longing for my husband, kids longing for their daddy and days after days that we'll never get back. I've been wishing my life away for a year now and I'm ready for that to STOP.
I want to be angry, but at who? I want to yell and stomp and say things I shouldn't but what good does it do. So what now? I wait. Just like him, I wait.
I don't even begin to imagine how he must feel. His wife needs him, his 4 year old is crying for him and his 10 month old doesn't have a CLUE who he is. He's been done with his work for over a week and his only duties are to report 2 times daily to receive either NO news or good news...that turns bad.
So that's my sad, pitiful excuse for an update. One day, I'll get back to posting happy, funny, shiny, whitty blogs but it ain't happening today.
Scene: Tuesday Night
1 week ago
Oh honey - I peek in at your blog often - your boys remind me of mine when they were small(; Delicious.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you as I remember when my husband was away overseas with work it was always the kids who suffered the most with the questions that were too hard to answer. People kept asking me what we (our family) were going to do when he got home - I ended up saying said "nothing! we just going to be. just be." Sounds really dumb - but they don't have to do anything, they just have to be there. All great plans for huge parties like years before slowly peel away in the weeks of delays until all you're left with is being so tired, and just wanting them. Just them.
I really hope he isn't too far away - and just remember the heartfelt ache you had for him when you sit on cold porcelain in the bathroom in the middle of the night... when he forgets to put the seat down..(*
We're all sending our love and prayers to you out here in blogland(-:
Your New Zealand Reader xxx
I'm not as eloquent as your New Zealand reader, but just know that we're all here for you in spirit. Lots of warm thoughts and virtual hugs from the perpetually damp and gray Germany.
ReplyDeleteThis whole thing has me so bummed. I would honestly rather them all come in one day ... together. I've felt like we've had this little "band of sisters" while we wait and I don't like getting my good news before others get theirs.
ReplyDeleteI love ya, keep on truckin'.