Thursday, April 8, 2010

If you can't say something nice

A wise rabbit once said "If you can't say something nice...don't say nutin' at all."

That is the sum of how I am feeling right now. We are 2 days from our original stated date of arrival of our "complete" family and as of now, there is NO future dates to discuss. Jason is still in Afghanistan and I'm still home alone. 60% of our unit arrived on April 5th and while I celebrate those homecomings, it's bittersweet until they all get back.

His feelings: It's something like being a prisoner of war. A prisoner of the Army being held past your duty when you are supposed to be on your way home to your family.

My feelings: He's been there a year already, I've had a baby, moved from Alabama back to NC again, made more dinners, bottles and doctor visits than I care to remember. I'm still mom and dad. Our paper chain that we made is Null and needs to be burned in the back yard. My 4 year old states that "we don't know when Daddy is coming home, the Army keeps changing it." Now that's wise! Most days, I feel physical heart pain when I get his phone calls knowing they bear news that I have already "heard" from other wives in the same situation. I find out most of my official information on Facebook. In an attempt to find out what the heck was going on in the country he was supposed to fly out of today, I watched the news this morning. As I drank my cup of coffee, I was sickened further by the fact that ALL ALL ALL they talked about was Tiger Woods, his infidelity and his return to golf. Is that all that is important in this world? How many Americans actually know there are thousands of troops stranded away from their families and while their duty is done, they still wait, we still wait. They didn't seem to have any problem getting them over there.
It's a yo-yo effect, first, he's coming home, then he's delayed, then we get a call that future dates are "Uncertain" and they are looking into alternate flight routes. How long will this take?
It kills the excitement, it takes alot out of you. The back and forth, dates changing constantly. Sure, he'll get home soon but Tomorrow wouldn't be soon enough for missing out on a year. Every day he's gone longer feels like it's time that is stolen from me, time I will never get back and he will never get to spend with his children. One who adores him and one who doesn't even know him yet. My heart aches every time I go to bed and even more so now that the "light at the end of the tunnel" has began to fade. I don't know how many more nights I have until I don't have to sleep alone again. I don't know how many more times I will put the kids to bed and we will pray for Daddy to come home. I don't know how many more times I'll have to take out that STUPID trash!

This is not a happy blog. I apologize if it depresses you to even read it. No, I don't have anything nice to say right now and I should say nothing at all but if blogs are about writing your feelings, well there you have it and it ain't good!


  1. I'm so sorry, Jamie. I feel like a broken record repeating that over and over again. I hope things firm up quickly and Jason is on his way to you as I type. You vent all you want if it's the last thing that keeps you sane. I'm glad Mari is nearby with a hug and, from what I've heard, a very good chocolate cake. I'll be away for a few days and pray that things will look up drastically the next time I check in on you and the boys.

  2. Yep. You said it. All of it.

    And who cares if someone might think it's depressing? This whole stupid year has been depressing and the people who are obviously only FAKING the happiness this whole time are stupid.

    I wish I wouldn't be seeing you at MY HOUSE on Sunday... we should have been standing at Green Ramp welcoming home our husbands while our little boys ran circles around us.
    Not fair!

  3. Jamie, it made me cry. It is wonderful. Perfectly worded. You speak for all of us..

  4. Please accept a face book hug from me. I HATE buracracy and the military is as big a buracracy as one gets. All of you women are awesome in what you have endured. A perfect world isn't realistic, but I do pray for a better, fairer, more reasonable world. My thanks to all of you and your husbands for their service. I hope that the future shows that it made a difference. Mari does make a great cake.

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