The Very Scary Doorbell

It is Sunday morning. I wake up and get completely dressed for church while my infant yells in protest in his crib. This is the only place he is safe and girls gotta have a shower sometime. I mix my coffee concoction and begin to feed the natives breakfast. On to dressing the wild indians and packing the car. I then find myself to have 20 whole minutes before I need to leave for church so with baby on hip, I clean up the kitchen and prepare tomorrows coffee (always getting ready for the next day). Right before I begin my "get in the car" mantra...

THE DOORBELL RINGS.

First thought, Jackson is messing with the doorbell. Then he walks from my bedroom. Wrong.
Next thought, my great neighbors ALWAYS call before coming over.
WHO could possibly be ringing MY doorbell at 9am on a Sunday morning?

I don't have a large house but with baby on hip, I walk through the kitchen and dining room. In these milliseconds, my poor deployment focused mind has convinced everything in me that I will be rounding the corner to the door and peek out the window to see 2 green suitors (bearers of the WORST POSSIBLE news!) standing on my doorstep.

My hands were shaking and I nearly dropped the baby and ran the other way. I shuffled past the door a little with one eye open to see it was...

My neighbor from next door. (the one that always calls) He was bringing me banana bread and coupons from his wife. My face must have been transparent as he protested, "We TRIED to call you first!" I thanked him and closed the door. It was time for church, if my spaghetti legs would get us there.

ENTER deployment paranoia. This is a condition that can be developed at any time during a deployment. It can concern, you, your husband or your children. It could be illnesses, accidents or scary late night sounds. It seems to reach its heights as the deployment is nearing the final miles. It can range from paper cuts and bruises to overwhelming unexplained anxiety.

It's in these moments, I realize that military wives are set apart from others and in many more ways than this. That feeling is not one I want to relive. EVER. I told this story (it was a little humorous later) to a few others and one female soldier was particularly compassionate. She was very sorry I had felt that way and was sure my husband would never want me to feel that way about him either.

I know many have experienced The Very Scary Doorbell but for me, this was a first. A true sign that the end is coming but it's never ever soon enough.